Violence and slurs are always a threat, but it's the trans community that keeps me safe

I wish I could only tell you good stories about being a trans woman in Chicago. One evening in March 2023, I was riding the bus with another trans woman on our way to catch a movie at the University of Chicago. Near the front of the nearly empty bus, a man with a nearly empty bottle of liquor kept staring at us.When we got up from our seats to get off, he started shouting at us to stay at the back.“You f---- are going to hell,” he said before following us off the bus.Fortunately, we were immediately catching another bus anyway, and we left him behind in Woodlawn.I barely slept that night. At 5 a.m. the next morning, I walked to Promontory Point to watch the sun rise and kicked myself for reacting so strongly to a word I’d been called plenty of times before. There probably hadn’t been any real danger. Random attacks happen, but most trans people who are murdered are , often intimate partners. Too often, the victims are people of color, particularly Black women.I put off transitioning for years because I thought I wasn’t brave enough. I’d been called a f-- and bullied since I was little. And since coming out, I’ve experienced everything from workplace misgendering to having an egg thrown at my face from a speeding car.When I moved to Chicago in 2021, I found myself around lots of trans people for the first time in my life. I started to come out of my shell more — before that slur shattered the feeling of safety I’d slowly built up.I still feel safe most of the time. But I also know safety is just a feeling. Good and bad things happen whether you think a city, neighborhood or bus is safe or not.What makes me feel safe in Chicago isn’t an illusion that drunken men can be stopped from saying rude things. It’s the trans community I’ve found around me.After the movie, my friend walked me home and made sure I was OK. When we talked again, she validated my feelings. It’s actually OK to be upset over being called a slur. My roommate, therapist and friends helped build me back up in the following days.During June, people seem to pay more attention to the queer community — or at the very least try to sell us stuff. But my community isn’t rainbow flag merch and glitter.It’s people taking care of each other.