The Economist has seen leaks from the US ambassador in London

M: Today Theresa May came over. Said she wanted a trade deal to cement her legacy before she quits as prime minister in a couple of weeks. I told her Britain would need to accept our food standards, and gave her chlorinated chicken to show her how delicious our traditional American chow is. I think she liked it, and she has nice manners: when she clears her throat, she lifts her napkin up to her mouth and coughs straight into it. She seemed sad so I gave her a couple glasses of bourbon, which may have been a mistake: she put on “I will survive” and started dancing with one of the security guys before collapsing into a tearful heap. Mrs Johnson put her to bed in a spare room.: Today Boris Johnson came over. Remember him? The guy with weird blond hair who makes no sense…never mind. Seems he’s taking over from Theresa. You don’t have to get elected by the people to be in charge here, just by the Conservative Party. That’s 160,000 old right-wing men. Interesting system. You might want to look into it.